First published in: The Wilde Life // Feb 9, 2022 // 5 min read
Photo courtesy of The Grace Tame Foundation https://www.thegracetamefoundation.org.au/
I’m not sure if many people outside Australia are familiar with Grace Tame, but they should be.
A sexual abuse survivor and 2021's Australian of the Year, she is a powerful, brave, and incredibly passionate (autistic) woman who is dedicated to advocating for sexual assault survivors and for the dismantling of damaging power structures and social norms. Grace Tame is not playing by the rules of the patriarchy any more, and nor should anyone else.
The patriarchy is damaging to everyone – all genders, races, cultures and sexualities.
If your response to the word “patriarchy” is to roll your eyes and switch off because you associate it with “radical feminism”, replace it with whatever oppressive system impacts you.
They are all part of a larger system designed to privilege the dominant group – the economic and cultural elite (usually in a position of political power, directly or indirectly):
Class/economic inequality
Racism
Cis-Heterosexism
Ableism
(FYI: the chances are very high that you’re affected by ableism, even if you don’t have a disability. Don’t think you’re smart enough? Fit enough? Competent enough? All these “failings” are driven by ableism.)
While the name of the overarching system has changed over time and across cultures – feudalist, capitalist, fascist, communist, imperialist, theocratic – they’re all the same at the end of the day. They are universally dominated by the powerful and wealthy, and overwhelmingly dominated by men who are straight, non-disabled, and (in the West) white/European. It is this group that determines what is considered “normal” – what is acceptable in terms of behaviour, appearance, views, lifestyles, and aspirations, and what is valued in terms of abilities and attributes.
I don’t mean that they get together to discuss which norms to accept and reinforce. I mean that their power and status enable them to influence the promotion and maintenance of norms that are beneficial to them, and to suppress behaviours, attitudes, and attributes that threaten their dominance. This can happen over generations, think “survival of the fittest” but for ideas instead of genes.
Social-cultural norms are often so deeply engrained that they do not need official recognition, explicit force or coercion – they simply become what is expected. They are more insidious than explicit discrimination or prejudice and so they largely go unquestioned. Even when explicit anti-discrimination laws are passed, these norms remain embedded throughout society. In fact, the presence of anti-discrimination legislation can reinforce the idea that failure or success is entirely due to personal attributes:
“Discrimination is illegal, therefore if you want to succeed you can. If you don’t succeed it’s because you’re not good enough or you weren’t trying hard enough”.
Behavioural and cultural norms may seem arbitrary, innocuous, and even meaningless, but when you look closer it is easy to see how they help to maintain the power, status, and wealth of the dominant group. They all, in one way or another, focus on breeding, creating and reproducing “valuable” citizens i.e. a population that can contribute to and advance the aims of the dominant group. Soldiers to expand empires, workers to expand the economy, or consumers to buy products. All of which ultimately lead to significant benefits for the elites (primarily economically) and relatively few benefits for much of the population.
This is why many norms:
Devalue, de-legitimise, ridicule, and vilify actions, attitudes, and attributes deemed unlikely to create or reproduce “valuable” citizens.
Promote, glorify, normalise, celebrate and idealise actions, attitudes, and attributes that lead to the reproduction of/embody the traits of “valuable” citizens
Some examples include:
ability norms, the pathologising of difference, and devaluing the lives of disabled people (see the “they had underlying conditions” narrative around covid) are driven by the belief that disabled people are less productive and therefore contribute less to society
sexuality norms, for example the vilification and marginalisation of non-heterosexual relationships, were originally driven by the fact that relationships were expected to produce offspring. Relationships that didn’t result in offspring were perceived to have little/no social value
gender norms and the sexualisation of women/conditioning of men to prioritise seeking sex, were initially driven in part by the need for population growth
etiquette norms, for example showing obedience as a sign of “respect”, are driven by the need to suppress power challenges and produce a population that will do whatever is needed of them.
These norms are damaging and dangerous, with far reaching consequences. They:
contribute to, encourage and sustain systemic economic, health, and education inequalities
normalise bias, prejudice and discrimination towards non-dominant groups (by both the dominant group and other marginalised groups)
excuse violence towards/abuse of non-dominant groups (committed by both the dominant group and other marginalised groups)
If you’re wondering why people would accept norms that are harmful to so many people, it is largely because of “social mobility”. That is, the idea that it is possible to improve/increase your own wealth and status and become part of the dominant group. However, this is only possible providing you conform to the desired norms.
As long as these norms enable the dominant group to maintain power and status, they continue to be promoted as the ideal. It is only by challenging them that we can begin to make real change happen. When we uphold seemingly innocuous social norms – like smiling and being polite as a show of “respect” just because someone is in a position of power – we contribute to a culture of dominance that hurts everyone.
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